Have you ever had to share a home with a
stranger or even a close friend, only to find out you can't live together?
Living with other people can be difficult, especially when each person comes
from a different background and has their own ideas about how they want to
live. Most people at some point must learn to cope with the challenges of
having a roommate. The following is a list of suggestions to help you share your
living space harmoniously.
1) Find a good roommate. It
can be tempting to select a roommate on the basis of how friendly they are, but
you're better off judging them on the basis of day to day living compatibility.
Compare their daily habits to yours:
-Are they early risers or night owls?
-What kind of noise
level does this person prefer (ie blasting television or quiet reading)?
-When should the
roommate worry if they are not home at a certain time? Do you wait until
morning to make phone calls or do you send for a search team if they're 15
minutes late from work or school?
-What are their favourite
chores? Perhaps if their favourites are your least favourite, you can simply
always do your favourite chore and ignore the ones you simply don't like.
-Do they talk about
their feelings or keep their feelings in?
-Are they
extra-sensitive to fragrances and/or odours? This may affect what you choose as
cleaning products and you may have to hide your running shoes after going to
the gym.
-Are they allergic to
anything? (i.e. peanuts, perfume, milk, flour, smoke. etc etc)
-How messy or clean
does this person keep her space? Does she understand the importance of getting
the dishes done and trash taken out?
-Do they smoke or do
any other kinds of recreational drugs?
-What kind of
personality does this person have, is she an extrovert or an introvert?
-Do they enjoy
decorating or do they not care about decorating? What decorating style do they
have?
-What kind of music
and TV shows do they enjoy? And, more importantly, do they prefer loud music
and a blaring TV?
2) Be upfront about your expectations. Set
boundaries and stick with them. This applies to food, clothes, possessions,
loud activities, use of common areas, parties, quiet hours, cleaning
responsibilities, and so on.
3) Respect each other’s
privacy and personal space. This is especially important if you share a
small living area. Make a clear delineation between your stuff and your
roommate’s stuff. That way you are only responsible for your things. You must
always ask before "borrowing" anything, no matter if it's trivial.
Definitely take good care of any borrowed items.
4) Follow through with your obligations. If
you say you're going to clean the kitchen, pay your roommate back for your
share of the lease or utilities, or call the landlord about a repair, then do
it.
5) Be prepared to compromise. Not everyone has the same ideas about day to
day living as you do. You can't ask your roommate to change himself or herself
if you're not willing to change as well.
6) Clean up after yourself. This doesn't mean that you have to be a neat
freak, but don't leave your dirty dishes in the sink for days on end, dump your
things in the living room, or leave mountains of laundry all over the bedroom,
especially if you share it with your roommate. Try to agree on a minimum
standard of cleanliness that you'll all abide by.
7) Be courteous of your
roommate’s sleeping habits. If you are a night owl, keep your noise down
and turn the lights down after your roommate goes to bed so you don't disturb
them. If you go to bed early, don’t get exasperated with your roommate for their
late hours, but at the same time try to find ways that you can sleep
undisturbed. The same thing applies for rising in the morning.
8) Spend time with your
roommate. Say hello and goodbye, ask them how their day was, and show interest in
his or her life. Getting to know the person you live with helps you understand
their perspective, and allows them to understand yours. It also makes it easier
to deal with problems that you have with that person if you’ve already
established a rapport with them. Try to set a time in which you both can hang
out at least once a week. Make dinner together, watch a movie, etc. Do
something nice for your roommate every so often—make their bed, bake them
cookies, or offer to give them a ride somewhere if they don't have a car.
9) Stay flexible. Understand
what’s going on in your roommate’s life, and accommodate them. If your roommate
has a big test coming up, you should probably be quiet and let them study. If
your roommate is busy and stressed with their job, give them some time and
space to relax and unwind. Wouldn't you like your roommate to show you the same
consideration?
10) Communicate. As in
any relationship, living with someone requires a great deal of work.
Communication is key in making the relationship work well long-term, or even
for a short time. If a problem comes up, it's better to talk about it right
away than to try and ignore it and let it get worse. If you simply cannot
communicate openly and there is tension all the time. Find a new roommate. The
stress is just not worth it. You may be better friends if you choose to live
separate.
11) Share. Or
decide what you will share. Decide what contents in the fridge are ok and which
are off limits. Determine whether or not a common phone line will be sufficient
if one person spends a lot of time on the phone. If you borrow something, let
your roommate know and (if necessary) try to replace it.
12) Divide responsibilities: If your roommate is a good cook and you are
not, have him cook and you do the dishes. It may also be a good idea to set up
a chores schedule, where you will take turns alternating cleaning the bathroom,
taking out the trash, etc.
· -Some people find it helpful to write
up a "roommate agreement," in which you set down rules that everyone
can agree to. This is a good way to make sure that everyone is clear on the
rules for the apartment and their responsibilities. Have everyone sign a copy
and keep it on hand.
· -Don't make your rules too rigid. Life
is short, so sometimes you should decide that you just don't care. Dirty
windows never hurt anyone. A broken plate is just not something to ruin a
friendship over.
· - Make sure all roommates' understand
the meaning of compromise and mutual respect. Just paying rent does not
constitute a good roommate. Respect each others space as well as furniture,
dishes, food, etc.
· - Control the amount of noise you make.
Wear headphones when you listen to music, and go into another room when you're
on the phone. If you're going to engage in a noisy activity, it's a good idea
to ask your roommate before you do it.
· - Invite your roommate when you go
out.(Except when going to a date)
· - Don’t yell or scream at your roommate. If this is a friend, it
could ruin the friendship. Remember, most people do not love unconditionally
and won’t react kindly to fits of rage or anger, and it will probably hinder
your cause rather than help it.
· - Remember, not everyone is meant to live together, regardless of
how good a friendship you might have.
· - Be careful about lending money. Small amounts aren't usually a
problem, but don't let it get out of hand.
· - Although you should be flexible and accommodating, don’t let
your roommate walk on you. Be assertive about what you want.
· - Don’t nag. This is a surefire way to get your roommate
irritated.
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